So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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