i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
