I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize
