how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
