He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Randomize
