i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
