Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
