I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
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Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
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It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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