I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
