i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
