If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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