do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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