if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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