maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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