the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
