were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
