I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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