i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
