I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
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