How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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