We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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