I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
