Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I am mentally ready for anal.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
