everyone is single if you try hard enough
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
