good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
