a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Randomize
