Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
50% drunk capacity currently
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Randomize
