Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
