I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
