nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
