Banned from zoo.
Again?
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
