The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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