At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
