I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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