Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Randomize
