There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
