I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
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So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
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He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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