whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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