Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
