There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
