I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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