I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
