There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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