Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
