I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
