I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
