he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
