I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
