he puts the penis in happiness.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
