It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
