What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
