There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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