My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
You ate ashes out of my bong
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
