My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
