how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
