There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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