I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
