I have demons in me.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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