so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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