i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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