Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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