I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
