My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
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