Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
