Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
