It's like God shit irony all over that family
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
