dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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