How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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