i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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