he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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