i just had sex bonerless
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
