what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
